I was barefoot chillin’ in the garden, crushing fragile eggshells left over from our breakfast onto the wet soil housing la verduras (the vegetables) that I had so lovingly sown and protected from seed. I had planted pole runners with the hopes of finding something to let them train up, but had not. The plants were weaving and twining around themselves, so heavy, they had fallen over, but grew on and I learned something valuable. I often do in the garden.
Resilience is doing what one must and noticing the journey along the way.
It is telling stories (true though they may be) to yourself and your family and the divine that you have purpose and hope. It’s embracing the pain and the beauty and the fragility. I’m not breathing easy, by any stretch, but I am peaceful and I am grateful.
Things have been going sweetly well. I’m up with the sun and junior had an excellent first day of daycare. This morning, the second day, did not get on as swimmingly as the first day. The director said that’s to be expected for the first two weeks. I hate being away from him. It was a good decision for both of us and he does enjoy the new environment and playing with friends.
This lazy evening, with the traffic rushing heavily down the busy road we live on, my wife remarked to me how the plants in the aquarium had anchored and rooted around the heavier boulders adorning the bottom of the tank.
You see, Jae had recently replaced about 2/3 the tank water in a major cleaning of the fish environment. Once the water was distilled and chemically balanced, she added new plants and replanted the plants and re-introduced the fish. One of the plants became distressed and released a number of leaves. Somehow, the leaves managed to put down roots through the muck and algae that encrusted the boulders. I’m quite impressed at this and have no idea how the plant leaves arrived there because they float so freely along the filter-made currents. But, alas, there you have it.
We admired the beauty and resilience of life and the ways in which randomness happens. If nothing else is taken from the experience, it is an awesome reminder that there are always currents and we are resilient.
I’m wilting, heavy with burdened soul,
troubled with thoughts untold
the thoughts of my lover who
feels the thoughts, heavy, too.
Am I selfish in loving more?
to not my own love, explore?
To not appreciate the sweetness there?
In laying out my soul too bare.
Love is not with rhyme or reason;
Love extends beyond one season;
my heart is full, but can hold more still;
grateful for one more to fill;
Love returned is better yet;
love that hearts combine and let
grow and create a richer story
that’s the place of sweet glory.
This week has been especially difficult in the world of communication. I’m skeptical as to how the alignment of distant heavenly bodies is so powerful as to suck our heads right up our collective arse when regarding each others’ feelings. It’s nothing short of amazing! None the less, I find solace in silence for a few weeks until the magnetic pull releases its grip on our hearts and we can move forward.
There have been lots of pleasant ups, regardless. Some really deep and heartfelt exchanges, too. That’s the positive power of Mercury going retrograde.
Today has been a red letter day – The sun is shining, the skies are brilliant, the temperature is mild AND the pumpkin was interested in going outside to play. We bundled up and headed into the wild area to begin our excavation. We studied worms and chased potato bugs. we shoveled and shoveled and shifted dirt and made a nearly perceptible dent. 2 years old is proving to be super awesome, despite having to carefully navigate the big feelings.
As our time wound down we stripped our feet bare and plunged our toes deep into the freshly turned earth. “COLD!” cried my pumpkin with excitement and distaste – as only a toddler can.
I agreed and as he ran away to amuse himself yelling at worms I felt my toes go instantly numb against the wet heavy clay dirt. I registered the freezing wet travel up my pant leg as the heat of the sun licked along my back. I felt the insects scurry out from under my weight and the fungus and bacteria breath the barest hint of heat against my self in acknowledgement of kin. I tasted salt and change shifting in alternating currents on the wind, ushered in with bird songs. Crow, Robin, Chickadee and Seagull each attended in loud abandon. I breathed a deep breath of release and soaked in the precious few moments of zen.
“All done, backyard, Mummy!”
…in the works
Gaining strength under the snow moon
the darkness holds a small seed there
dance with me by candlelight
amidst naked flames of hope.
I’m here waiting with baited breath
for positive things to start happening,
C’mon life, I think I’ve paid my dues.
Time to rekindle the heart,
there’s no stopping me now,
I am ready to bring about changes
ready to start a revolution.