Continuing on

Our daughter arrived! I’ve been caught up in the sleepless blur these last 8 weeks. I’ve started my seeds. I’m so excited to get in the garden. Jae’s transition has been amazing! She and I both have been practicing empathy and focusing on our feelings in order to stay on top of our hormones and life’s curve-balls.
I hold a lot of gratitude for my life, the good and the bad. There’s a lot I’d love to share, but time is very limited right now. I’ll come back when I can.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be celebrating in style with my family!

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Christmas Miracles

Since I left the church many moons ago, Christmas has brought me a myriad of emotions.  The oddest being my bursting into tears every time I attempt to sing carols. Well, this pregnancy has brought me a lot of tears.

Tears of joy, tears of anxiety, tears of amusement, tears of anger – I haven’t stopped leaking since week 4. But, all the crying seems to be drying up as I enter the 3rd trimester and we enter the Christmas season.

I found myself singing my favorite carols on the street corner yesterday, while waiting for my bus to arrive. Because I can. And, miracle of miracles, not a tear was shed! Sure, I got a bit choked up during “O Come All Ye Faithful”, but no tears were lost and my voice was clear and I felt good. It was lovely. I may have left behind the church but I love the music, especially the more archaic hymnals. Their sentiments are beautiful.

Either way, I’ll take this gift and be glad.

What Christmas miracle are you waiting for?

A long time coming

I’m not quite ready to return to the writing-sphere, though I am itching to get back into it, specifically in regards to my permaculture/gardening blog Concrete Connection. Jae has been an awesome helpmate in getting the garden pushed further and further along. I’d lost a lot of motivation there, for a few months.

The one year anniversary of my mother’s death has recently passed, and we’re healing but it’s still fresh. The pumpkin is right on track, developmentally, to be a raging threenager. Ooh! Toddlers are a lot of work! And now we’re expecting a kiddo 2.0 for late January. I’m pretty sure if one kid is hard, two is insane, but we’re thrilled to open our hearts and our arms to another little life.
I’ve got some prioritizing and organizing to do. I’m working closely with my o.b. to keep my health and poppy’s in good shape. (I’m calling kiddo 1.4 “poppy” until we know more about his or her sex – (s)he was the size of a poppy seed when we found out I was pregnant.) But, I don’t have enough energy or hours in the day to tackle every project that sounds like an amazing idea, even with the beautiful and tireless wife’s help. I’m grateful for the harvest season and praying we can get a late harvest out of the garden and sow the seeds for an early start next year.

Freedom and Committment

“We’ve come a long, long way together, through the hard times and the good. I’ve got to celebrate you, baby, I’ve got to praise you like I should…”
-Fat Boy Slim

Today marks the 11th anniversary of our wedding day. It has passed so quickly and my love for you is a living thing. Through the years we’ve proven that we work well as a team. Thank you for spending every day finding ways to prove your devotion to me through small acts of kindness. Thank you for helping me grow in meaningful ways. Thank you for helping build a stable and welcoming home.
Reflecting over the last few days has made me realize how beautiful it all is. Our bright and healthy son, our sweet little home and our enduring friendship (even during those times when we seem to use all our creative powers to annoy the hell out of each other), I can’t wait to see what the next 100 years brings.

Thank you, Jae. I love you. Always.

grains of sand and pearls

This afternoon I watched a training video on work place violence and bust into tears, so that was special.It took me aback because I’ve only ever once been close to a potential situation with a shooter. In that situation the security guard was able to talk the guy down before things escalated to emergency.

I think the video triggered a lot of anxiety I carry (like much of the population) around making this choice to work and not be close to protect my child from such outcomes that we read about often.Notice I’m not giving into the anxiety, merely acknowledging it.

Jr has been walking around saying stuff like, “it’s lovely to see you, you amayyyzing mummy!”and “Mummy want to build a tower, too?”  I have to share that because we just spent a 2 hour period of melt down screaming match over nothing (we could discern), and wait for him to moderate his emotions.

Everyday he comes home from play-school with a “report card”. On his report card they talk about the lesson of the day, whether or not he napped, whether or not he ate lunch and any special notes the teachers may have for the parents. So far the report card says “play, play” or “color” once, but mainly it’s been stony silence. This kid is good at that, even on paper. Today it said, “Campfires!” So apparently we’ve hit on a common ground. Fire. I’m a pretty proud momma right now.

That’s progress, lol

I’ve begun to re-dedicate myself to walking and getting healthy. I have been shedding emotional skins and though I’m feeling a little tender I’m finally ready to share in the public sphere.

Jae is happier than I’ve ever seen her. There’ve been a lot of developments, but mainly they involve waiting on the doctor’s office to contact her about scheduling an appointment with the endocrinologist, who has received the psych eval and gp clean bill of health. *deep breath*

I’ve been nurturing new relationships with old friends and new ones. I’m looking forward to a little time in the woods in the very near future. I’m feeling spread thin.

The Sun Rises and Sets

Things have been going sweetly well. I’m up with the sun and junior had an excellent first day of daycare. This morning, the second day, did not get on as swimmingly as the first day. The director said that’s to be expected for the first two weeks. I hate being away from him. It was a good decision for both of us and he does enjoy the new environment and playing with friends.