My young children are growing. It seems the more independent they become, the more of my interaction they need. I am continuing the resistance training (physical and societal) on a much pulled-back scale and feel quite fine with stepping back from the community to nurture my young. I’ll be back when they’re old enough to be involved and vocal about what matters to them, too.
There is a very wide array of marches, stories, demonstrations, injustices, natural disasters, battles and more occurring globally. I’ve gone back to school and am re-tooling myself to be an educator…formally…using strategies and my enjoyment of researching to be the best curator of knowledge (this is a phrase that’s been lodged in my brain for the last week), I can be. By way of an example, just this morning , with a wince and a smile, I began planting seeds of suggestions into other teacher’s ears about adding a hothouse laboratory classroom and raised bed gardens to teach the district recommended curriculum with multicultural practices, introducing STEM and agriculture knowledge I want to see it so badly and see what it would look like to raise a generator of students in a more active model than “sit and take”. I want to see what “motivated to learn’ looks like in this generation of elementary school students. During the staff meeting, some sort of teacher life coach was telling us that the most successful schools were returning to the Socratic method of education. I could only nod.
All that to say I’m just updating the space that has been quiet too long with some context to the radio silence. I haven’t given up my fight or fire, I’m just too tired to blog about it. I leave it to others for the time being.
Spir°it: Breath of Life
As Imbolc is also known as Candlemas – 40 days after Christmas some religions celebrate the arrival of Jesus of Nazareth to the temple to be blessed and redeemed. It is there that the Goddess Bridghe took him into her arms and under her wing as his nursemaid. Once again, bright flames, it is time to lead the world by the hand (or the ear) to bring balance back into the world and reclaim female divinity. It is with that love, we lift our energies up to become stronger, and unified. We channel the energy of the globe of women who stood up for human rights and we drum and dance and sing to expand it. When we have danced a frenzy, we send it out to the peace-makers, the water protectors, the women teaching, farming, creating in every form, and strengthen the movement into the future. Raise your energy. Raise your voice.
I was barefoot chillin’ in the garden, crushing fragile eggshells left over from our breakfast onto the wet soil housing la verduras (the vegetables) that I had so lovingly sown and protected from seed. I had planted pole runners with the hopes of finding something to let them train up, but had not. The plants were weaving and twining around themselves, so heavy, they had fallen over, but grew on and I learned something valuable. I often do in the garden.
Resilience is doing what one must and noticing the journey along the way.
It is telling stories (true though they may be) to yourself and your family and the divine that you have purpose and hope. It’s embracing the pain and the beauty and the fragility. I’m not breathing easy, by any stretch, but I am peaceful and I am grateful.
Our daughter arrived! I’ve been caught up in the sleepless blur these last 8 weeks. I’ve started my seeds. I’m so excited to get in the garden. Jae’s transition has been amazing! She and I both have been practicing empathy and focusing on our feelings in order to stay on top of our hormones and life’s curve-balls.
I hold a lot of gratitude for my life, the good and the bad. There’s a lot I’d love to share, but time is very limited right now. I’ll come back when I can.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be celebrating in style with my family!
This afternoon I watched a training video on work place violence and bust into tears, so that was special.It took me aback because I’ve only ever once been close to a potential situation with a shooter. In that situation the security guard was able to talk the guy down before things escalated to emergency.
I think the video triggered a lot of anxiety I carry (like much of the population) around making this choice to work and not be close to protect my child from such outcomes that we read about often.Notice I’m not giving into the anxiety, merely acknowledging it.
Jr has been walking around saying stuff like, “it’s lovely to see you, you amayyyzing mummy!”and “Mummy want to build a tower, too?” I have to share that because we just spent a 2 hour period of melt down screaming match over nothing (we could discern), and wait for him to moderate his emotions.
Everyday he comes home from play-school with a “report card”. On his report card they talk about the lesson of the day, whether or not he napped, whether or not he ate lunch and any special notes the teachers may have for the parents. So far the report card says “play, play” or “color” once, but mainly it’s been stony silence. This kid is good at that, even on paper. Today it said, “Campfires!” So apparently we’ve hit on a common ground. Fire. I’m a pretty proud momma right now.
That’s progress, lol
I’ve begun to re-dedicate myself to walking and getting healthy. I have been shedding emotional skins and though I’m feeling a little tender I’m finally ready to share in the public sphere.
Jae is happier than I’ve ever seen her. There’ve been a lot of developments, but mainly they involve waiting on the doctor’s office to contact her about scheduling an appointment with the endocrinologist, who has received the psych eval and gp clean bill of health. *deep breath*
I’ve been nurturing new relationships with old friends and new ones. I’m looking forward to a little time in the woods in the very near future. I’m feeling spread thin.
This lazy evening, with the traffic rushing heavily down the busy road we live on, my wife remarked to me how the plants in the aquarium had anchored and rooted around the heavier boulders adorning the bottom of the tank.
You see, Jae had recently replaced about 2/3 the tank water in a major cleaning of the fish environment. Once the water was distilled and chemically balanced, she added new plants and replanted the plants and re-introduced the fish. One of the plants became distressed and released a number of leaves. Somehow, the leaves managed to put down roots through the muck and algae that encrusted the boulders. I’m quite impressed at this and have no idea how the plant leaves arrived there because they float so freely along the filter-made currents. But, alas, there you have it.
We admired the beauty and resilience of life and the ways in which randomness happens. If nothing else is taken from the experience, it is an awesome reminder that there are always currents and we are resilient.