Recognition and Resilience

 

I was barefoot chillin’ in the garden, crushing fragile eggshells left over from our breakfast onto the wet soil housing la verduras (the vegetables) that I had so lovingly sown and protected from seed. I had planted pole runners with the hopes of finding something to let them train up, but had not. The plants were weaving and twining around themselves, so heavy, they had fallen over, but grew on and I learned something valuable. I often do in the garden.

Resilience is doing what one must and noticing the journey along the way.

It is telling stories (true though they may be) to yourself and your family and the divine that you have purpose and hope. It’s embracing the pain and the beauty and the fragility. I’m not breathing easy, by any stretch, but I am peaceful and I am grateful.

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It’s been busy

orangecauliflowr

Orange Cauliflower is a win!

coffeecherry

Meanwhile, Jae made Coffee Cherry Ice Cream – we got the coffee cherries from a roaster’s in Ireland. It’s a full fat cream custard ice cream. Although it tastes pleasantly like caramel, especially with the sea salt she added, it doesn’t taste like coffee.

makecheez

cheezset

Now, this morning I made a batch of vegan smoked coconut Gouda cheez using this recipe. It was quick, easy and I can’t wait to taste it, lol. The recipe states that this is a great cheez for melting, baking and tasting, so tonight we’re trying the cauliflower base pizza. It’ll be entirely vegan, minus the chicken topping. What can I say, it’s the small victories.  The cheez does, in fact, taste like a smokey Gouda- it’s really good!

Notes on the cheez:
I did some substituting with ingredients I had on hand and I wanted to share them here:

  • 1/2 t. vegemite, marmite or vegan worcestershire sauce – I used worcestershire sauce
  • 2 T. agar powder or 8 T. of agar agar flakes (the powder is much more concentrated) – I used 2T tapioca starch
  • 2 T. potato starch, cornstarch or arrowroot – I used cornstarch
  • 1 t. xanthan gum – I used 3T ground each of ground chia seeds and flax meal

Gratitude

I was cleaning out the photographs on my phone (I’m an avid selfie-taker, project photographer) and it occurred to me that last year was an incredible and abundant year. Granted, the photographs don’t share the heart-break, the anger, the frustration,  or the other powerful emotions that shade our world in darkness, but, for a few thousand frames I was reminded that the darkness is what shaped the sweetness of the photos I did take.

Retrograde Tiff

This week has been especially difficult in the world of communication. I’m skeptical as to how the alignment of distant heavenly bodies is so powerful as to suck our heads right up our collective arse when regarding each others’ feelings. It’s nothing short of amazing! None the less, I find solace in silence for a few weeks until the magnetic pull releases its grip on our hearts and we can move forward.

There have been lots of pleasant ups, regardless. Some really deep and heartfelt exchanges, too. That’s the positive power of Mercury going retrograde.

Plan interruptions

What the hell has been going on?

I’ve been weening myself away from social media because I’m processing a lot of less pleasant emotions. Transitioning. Nothing beats painful personal growth to temper the sweetness of life. I have been keeping myself busy by devoting myself to counting my breathing, crocheting gifts and decorations, teaching the kiddo about the season changes.

There is some intense sweetness in parenting. The kiddo and I are starting to really get to know each other. We’ve been listening to bird calls and examining itty mushrooms that seem to have blossomed everywhere. His remarks on all of the things he is observing around him are brilliant and kind. I love to hear his voice.

To bring it back on topic, the idea is that, lately every act I engage in has become a sort of meditation. A way to not be trumpeted and buffeted into feeling any particular way unless I choose to experience it. It’s a good place for the time being as I stew over my long term goals.

Lastly, what a blessing my yarden has been. There is no geekier pleasure than to physically reap the visual and nutritional gifts from outside. Now my vines are all filling with fruit. Squashlettes, full squash, pumpkins and re-growth on my cabbage stalks. I’m waiting for the opportunity to get out there and work on cleaning it up and turning over the compost, adding some fertilizer via local chickens and livestock.

Have a delightful Samhain, friends.

Peeling back the layers

Where IS everyone? home after dark, no curfew enforcement needed. I know in many cases (including my own), it’s because of exhaustion from the daily routine. In some cases it’s fear of the unknown and in some cases …other. It’s creating a drive within me to find a way to be social in the evenings or at least one night a week…or every other week. My mate knows that I’d gladly have a night with the kiddo if that means she’ll go play for an evening. She’s waiting until we can find a caregiver for our kiddo for a few hours. I’m suggesting we start organizing family friendly events and crossing our fingers that the stars align JUUUST so…it’s hard to be social in this society. Isn’t that funny? I think it’s manufactured to be that way…this is my electronic sandwich board. Plus, is it really naive to believe that instant sexual attraction can lead to long lasting relationship? No, really. I’m wondering. I absolutely believe that a long lasting relationship can lead to sexual attraction.