Embracing the Pain

I had a dream that I was pregnant with twin girls.

I woke up and peed on a stick and it came up a very faint positive. I was ecstatic.I had all the right symptoms until I woke up feeling fine yesterday. No morning sickness, no breast tenderness, etc. Today, a week later, I peed on a stick and it was negative. I’m sad about it. Sad about the false hope. Sad about the money lost on pee sticks. Sad about the chemistry and hormones that drives us to want to have babies. I have a baby and he’s more than a handful, adding another one would be a wonderful and overwhelming INSANITY and yet hormones keep me yearning. I’m sad for the lies we tell our kids about how easy it is to get pregnant.

I’m all done with that. My mate and I have just come into a new chapter in our lives. I have spent so long nurturing the spiritual and mental that this age seems to be devoted to nurturing the physical.

I want to focus on enjoying the strength, youth, life, and abundance that are currently in our hands. To wade into expanding our tribe and to enjoy our friends, our work and our time as much as we can. I am choosing to see this as a blessing and vowing to never pee on another stick. If we have another baby, we will welcome them, too, but I am past ready to shift my focus back to living and loving.


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